Do you feel as a coach you’re in a turbulent sea, struggling to make headway against the overwhelming, breaking waves and clinging on to whatever you can while all around everything seems unsteady and shifting? If so, you’re not alone, judging by the experiences shared in two online Coaches’ Exchanges I recently ran – with many thanks to all those who took part so openly and generously.
This post captures the different images and feelings that coaches shared as we talked about our experiences - watch out for big waves, cold seasons and more. There are also some encouraging shafts of light breaking through the storms that left me and others feeling better placed to navigate the waters ahead.
coaches exchanges
These are a new way for us to explore and dig deeper into questions and challenges in our coaching. For some time in the pandemic I’ve been looking for new ways to connect and engage with like-minded coaches, sharing our experiences, trying out new ideas and encouraging each other in our various set ups. It’s taken a while to get over my initial reluctance to use the online tools – needs must! Off we Zoom.
And of course, the number one issue to explore with others right now is where we are with our coaching in the midst of all the continuing uncertainty and mix of some facilities and venues opening, others remaining closed. I was keen to know how other coaches have responded, what’s been happening for those they coach and where they now see themselves - not so much in terms of activities (on which there’s lots of information and great examples out there) but the emotions and motivations.
To this end we kept the numbers small and emphasised the interactions, listening to each other and creating the space for unhurried reflection. And it worked really well, the feedback highlighting the benefits of learning from each other and being introduced to new ways of thinking.
Where are we now?
In both Exchanges we started by thinking back to the early days of the pandemic: how it was for those we coach and for us as coaches. From there, we took stock of where we are now - again both in terms of ourselves and discerning how it is for our sports people, whether returning to coached sessions or unable or not ready to do so.
The slide here captures the mix of emotions and themes of those early days. As we talked these through, some general features and reflections stood out.
First, an unpredictability in many people’s reactions (coaches and athletes): for example, some who were facing severe difficulties or plans completely disrupted actually enjoyed a new found connection with family or a nourishing calmness; others, in what you might think were more secure positions, felt adrift with no structure and in desperate need of even more activity than before.
The fluidity of emotions and motivations was also noticeable. I know I could go from feeling energised and full of great intent, to a despondent lethargy, to a calmer, grounding sense of connections and back again, all in one day.
And again on a personal level, felt by others too, was a struggle with something of an action dilemma: should I be finding new, creative ways of keeping myself and those I coach active or should I emphasise the ‘how to be’ over the ‘what to do’?
Coming out of our discussions, what struck me most, was the negative force of the little word tucked in the bottom right corner of the slide: guilt. It seemed that those who felt a guilty “I should have used the time to have done other things” had actually been amongst the most active and overstretched with other commitments.
There was also a sense of how easy it is to slip into making ourselves busy, feeling that whatever we do is never enough (as if it ever could be in the circumstances) - like being stuck on an accelerating treadmill. The themes of prioritising our own well being and creating a daily structure that gives time for being still came to the fore.
Liminal Spaces, Seasons and Storms
A second, related set of issues that generated an interesting exchange of experiences and feelings was prompted by thinking how we picture ourselves right now in our different circumstances and coaching set ups.
Amongst the coaches taking part over the two Exchanges we had a mix of vantage points: some preparing their first coached sessions in months; others already with their first sessions behind them; some with no break at all in the (mainly online) coaching they do; and some with no foreseeable prospect of a return to pre-lockdown coaching.
I was interested in understanding where these all leave us, exploring some ideas that might help us place our various, differing experiences and, from there, to navigate ways forward in the coming months.
One idea, that a friend and former work colleague pointed me toward, is the notion of liminal spaces - the uneasy waiting space of transition between one state or place and another. Realising we are in such a space may help us be more accepting of the unsettled, uncertain feelings that too often feed guilt or an urge to do something… anything. How can we best understand and hold the mix of emotions likely to aroused in us and others in such transitional, on the threshold between one state and another space?
From Seasons of Change by Dr Carol McLelland Fields
Another contact, from the Brighton & Hove Psychology Network, suggested I look at a Seasons of Change Model - developed by US Life Coach and author Dr Carol McLelland Fields. This is about thinking of nature’s seasonal changes as a metaphor for how we transition from one state to another - and what is helpful to focus on at each different phase of the changes we face.
One might think of an autumnal phase in which the world around us is changing and things we took for granted are coming to an end. So there’s a letting go and getting things in order ready for harder times ahead. Early winter has us gathering ourselves against the cold and retreating in to our inner selves, aware of the essentials to hold on to as darkness sets in and ways forward are hard to see. Solstice marks the turning point - still in the dark but sensing the start of a shift. Through the late winter we might dwell on and cultivate under cover our ideas for a way forward - ready for us to put all our energy into making them bloom and come to life in spring. Like summer, there can be a time for enjoying and revelling in the sunshine of our fully grown creations.
Some of us felt wary of the possible implication that one season of emotions must naturally lead into another - as if there’s a given sequence everyone follows. That aside, I’ve been reflecting on where we put our energies and focus in this uncertain, waiting on the threshold, winter-like time. I’m finding a strength in dwelling on the things that are really important to me and my coaching, as if going deeper into the essentials to be preserved and taken forward as conditions change.
I asked what other metaphors best capture our feelings at present. Here’s where both Exchanges came up with the image of battling through stormy seas with waves all around, trying to keep afloat and unsure if we’re making any headway. Despite the starkness, there seemed to be a comfort and reassurance in realising that we are not alone in such feelings. And that feelings of isolation are a part of what we are all experiencing.
Getting Going
In this respect it is worth also recording the encouraging experiences of those who have just restarted their coached sessions.
A theme, echoed elsewhere from other Confidence Centred Coaching members, is that the anticipation was far worse than the actual event. The waves looked bigger as they loomed up and approached - yet all survived.
One coach on the Exchange talked about how nervous she was, to the point of feeling almost overwhelmed, planning for the first coached session of their team sport for mixed age groups. How will they be able to practise key skills in such a constricted environment of keeping safe distances; how to maintain no contact when players instinctively reach out or inevitably bump into each other; what to do about sanitising equipment that is essential to the sport? And what to do about parents dropping their children off and picking them up?
In the event, as so often happens in coaching, as they got underway the sessions flowed - with the occasional moments of needing to quickly adjust to the unforeseen or to reemphasise safe distancing. The relief was there to see on the Zoom screen! That said, it was also clear to me that this happened on the back of meticulous, painstaking planning and rethinking how to run the sessions.
I also felt a nervous trepidation the first few times I switched from the controllable, quiet confines of one to one swim sessions in a pool to the great outdoors. Would I be able to see clearly enough the swimmer’s stroke to work on improvements, let alone record it on the video I’d normally use for swim analyses? And will clients be amenable to schedule in sessions around the weather, tides and wave forecasts? ‘Not quite the same as booking in an hour lane hire in a pool.
Let the session begin!
In practice, like others, it’s worked better than expected without the fancy gadgets or roped off lane. Small group sessions have also been possible - something I wouldn’t have done in a pool.
And more important, I’ve found this winter-like season of reflecting has taken me back to the deeper essentials, to be clearer about what really counts in great coaching. For sure clients come for help with technique or advice on the mix of training to prepare for their events, which I’m always delighted to share. It’s the deeper art of being able to hold them in caring hands; them feeling more assured of their own ability; discovering a joy and excitement of fluent, flowing movement; and knowing they are accompanied on their journey that I believe has the bigger, lasting impact and is at the heart of how I want to excel as a coach now and into the future, however it unfolds.
Big thanks to our coaches who took part in the two Exchanges and shared their experiences and feelings. Thanks too to Karen Fitzgerald and Sarah Laws for their suggestions on liminal spaces and Seasons of Change.
We will run more Coaches’ Exchanges in the Autumn on other themes - get in touch if there are particularly questions and interests you’d like to explore.
And as always, please leave any reflections and thoughts in the comments box below.