I’ve been thinking back to a powerful lecture, article and several illuminating conversations last week - all drawing on a theme of the role that coaches, mentors and others can play in the lives and sport of those we support.
Sir Gareth Southgate, The Richard Dimbleby Lecture on BBC iPlayer
Resilience and Belief
First up, I belatedly caught up with Sir Gareth Southgate’s compelling Richard Dimbleby Lecture. If you’ve not seen it yet, his central theme was how do we build resilience and belief, not just in individuals and teams but in a nation - and particular amongst an increasingly disengaged generation of young men.
Drawing on the recent Centre for Social Justice paper, Lost Boys, and his many conversations with youth group leaders and young people, he starkly highlighted the crisis amongst young men and boys. Too many are caught in an online world of toxic views that leave them isolated, fearing the stigma of failure and full of anger. It felt like a moving tragedy of low self-belief.
He went on to share his own experiences of coaches, role models and other key individuals who impacted on him when times were hard, who brought a sense of perspective and the resolve to keep going - touchingly ensuring one of these sat in the front row! He emphasised that we are not defined by failure and hardship but how we respond. And that young men and boys today are in desperate need of role models who can help them find their own resilience and belief.
Time for Change
Gareth Southgate’s lecture was cited in an equally thought provoking article by friend Cath Bishop - her key message captured in the quote below. Cath went on to identify some of the changes needed to embed a very different culture in sport that could go some way to foster the growth and development of young people, boys and girls.
“It is time for sport to prove its relevance beyond entertainment and activity for a part of the population. But changes are needed to help resolve this social crisis. Crucially, leaders need to understand the answer is not just more sport. It is a different quality of sport and physical activity.”
Amongst these she highlighted the biggest challenge as being for sport to create a better experience for those we seek to attract and support. And at the heart of this needs to be “a faster and more deliberate revolution in what it means to be a sports coach.”
Now, I passionately believe that the vision I set out in Beyond Belief: the art of confidence-centred coaching goes a long way to such a re-imagining how impactful our coaching could be. One built on treating those who come to us with a deep respect and fundamental belief in what they can do; that looks to develop meaningful relationships of trust; and delights in seeing those we support - and ourselves - surprised by what we can do.
an exploration of trust
And it was on the theme of trust that last week I also had the chance to share some of these ideas with a group involved in supporting athletes and sports people.
The International Lifestyle and Personal Development Practitioners’ Forum draws together a thoughtful group of professionals in colleges, universities and other settings who bring an expert perspective on lifestyle and wellbeing to high performance sports environments. I ran a session on looking at trust in the various relationships we have - me as an endurance coach and as a mentor to other coaches and for them in their different settings.
“trust is defined as choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions ”
We focused on some of the key words in a definition of trust from Charles Feltman, writing about trust in the workplace, to open up and explore what is going on and felt: for each of us and for the person we are seeking to connect with. What’s the nature of choosing and how might this change over time as the relationship develops? What are we and the other person putting at risk? What is felt in making ourselves vulnerable? And what is it that we and the other really value? Try it, tapping in to the feelings you and the other person experience - you’ll find it revealing.
As everyone fed back from their conversations and reflections I was struck by how often we came back to a sense of trust in ourselves as a cornerstone for the relationships we develop in support of others. Having the self-awareness to know and be true to ourselves seems to allow others to be themselves and to find an easiness in our relationships. Not the stuff of how we are typically taught to be coaches, nor how we traditionally think of great coaching - yet absolutely key to that revolution in what it means to be a coach that Cath highlighted.
Another rich conversation comes to mind in relation to the roles we play and how we develop close, trusting connections with others that can have life enhancing impacts.
Island Wisdom
I’ve been mentoring a triathlon coach who lives in Guernsey for around two and a half years. In our most recent conversation, last week, we touched on the Lost Boys crisis and how it is just as evident on the island as in mainland UK.
From our many conversations I’ve been deeply impressed by the breadth of support she and her coaching partner provide to people of all ages and ambitions to engage with sport: swimming for late age beginners, life saving and surf camps for young people, epic island to island swim events to name a few. You get a sense of their coaching as serving and bringing something vital and vibrant to the island community.
And how to position a coach with the young people who come? Who may show up uncertain, doubting themselves, in all likelihood buffeted by relentlessly undermining social media? She talked about how she sees herself holding a calming, respectful space that sits between school and home:
“Without influencing or holding expectation or judgement a coach can be a ‘guiding equal’, allowing the young person to learn, discover and explore in a space that is safe and with someone who holds no power over them. This relationship is equal, the goal is shared but the young person is in the driving seat with the coach alongside. ”
Wouldn’t you want the young people you know to be coached by someone like that? And how urgently needed is such a vision for being with those we are privileged to support, whether as coaches, mentors or other role models?
Many thanks to everyone who contributed to such a rich week of conversations.
As always, please use the comments box below to add any reflections of your own.